My friend Alece started a non-resolution revolution of sorts on her blog. Basically, her challenge is to ditch lists and the regret of unkept New Year promises. In exchange she asked that everyone choose one word that they would live, eat, breathe, and walk out during 2011. The only new year’s resolution I have ever kept was to watch more reality TV (I was a smashing success!) so this sounded like a better option for me.
I love the one word idea and I’m thrilled to be focusing on one thing this year. So, here is my one word for 2011:
This is so fitting for me right now. I’m just returning from a long blog break. I shared that I had to step away from the blog because I felt like I needed to be quiet and listen. What I haven’t shared is how specific God was with me during that time.
When I was at Idea Camp in Las Vegas last September, I facilitated a workshop on the power of confession. I had intended to attend the conference, participate on a panel, do my workshop, hang out with my friends, then return home and blog all about it. I never got to the blogging part. Some of the things that were shared in my workshop hit me in unexpected ways. That was the start of the season of silence.
Basically, during my time away I realized that God was giving me a glimpse of what he wanted me to be doing. The opportunities to speak, write and share my story were only a taste of what he had in store for me. But I realized that I would never be able to experience all that he had for me until I was ready to submit completely. Everything.
Most of what I share is centered around addiction and our recovery journey, about a broken relationship and restoration. However, the truth is there were two specific things that God revealed to me after that workshop that I needed to address:
First, I had gained over 100 pounds during the darkest days of our marriage. Yes, 100. And I’m still carrying that weight around. Second, I had lost faith in the church after we were asked to leave the church I had attended for years. We were asked to leave because of my husband’s addiction, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to fully trust or engage in church community again.
God has been very clear with me… if I want to experience all that he has in store for me I have to address these. If I want credibility when I talk about recovery, I need to surrender and submit.
I came to realize that as long as I still struggle with these two things, I haven’t really recovered.
Here’s the problem: I have a MAJOR pride issue. I’ve spent the last few months looking at the pride in my life and all of the complicated, subtle ways that it manifests itself. Ways that reach far beyond these two things and stretch into almost all that I think and do.
Needless to say, it’s complicated.
So, this year I am focused on submitting. Submitting to accountability about my weight. Submitting to pastoral care to address my church/trust issues. Submitting to the church and other women so I can build and flex my severely underdeveloped trust muscle. Submitting to a process of recovery that may or may not include a therapist and/or a personal trainer. Submitting to a select group of people that have full access to my marriage, my finances, my thoughts, and my actions.
I’m surrendering to God’s will.
I am submitting to his plan, his process, and his people (by the way, that last bit scares the crap out of me).
Submit. My one word.
Pushing past myself.
Leaning into others.
Embracing the truth.
What is your one word for 2011?